shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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