two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
