She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
