guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
