I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
zippers are such a cool invention
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
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