So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
