How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
