hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize