I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
