I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
it's not cheating when I paid for it
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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