I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
