Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Randomize
