Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
