Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
