He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
