Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
