addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
