youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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