He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
