I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
