I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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