Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
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