I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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