I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
the condom got lost in my hair
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize