she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
