I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
