the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
