she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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