Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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