did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
