im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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