that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
My penis needs a shock collar
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
