I just saw a hot homeless man
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I stole a fireplace last night.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
