Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
