I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
