True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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