i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
