all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Randomize
