the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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