Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
