he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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