it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize