i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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