The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
