did you get engaged???
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
