i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Randomize
