he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
