Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
