I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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