so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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