Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
