my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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