youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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