Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
