i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
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