In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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