dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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