do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
