So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
