that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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