She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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