I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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