I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
