this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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