How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
