OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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