Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Randomize