Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
