I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
