I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
