Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
