What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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