No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
