I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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