I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
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